Not everyone is lucky enough to have a fabulous father. If you were lucky enough to be born to a father who loved, nurtured and encouraged you, then be grateful! Enjoy the day, and appreciate your father!
But sometimes the soul needs something different, and sometimes souls are born to “guides,” essentially sent in to teach the needed lessons. Sometimes those “learning opportunities” aren’t pretty.
I work with many clients who’ve been sexually abused, and I’m always reluctant to write about their “journeys to healing.” They are always specific and different from each other. Because it’s Father’s Day on Sunday, this “healing journey” came to mind because it was one of the most powerful transformations I’ve ever seen in a client.
Julia was 27 when I first saw her. Tall, blond, and blue-eyed, she looked like the quintessential California goddess girl. She told me that she’d been on pharmaceutical drugs almost her whole life, and she wanted off of them. She explained, very matter-of-factly, that her father, a drug dealer, had been shot to death when she was seven. Her mother, also into drugs at the time, had lost custody of her because when the police searched her father’s home they found photographs of my client, and discovered how her father really made his living – selling child pornography – with my client as his model.
Because of that, she’d been taken from therapist to therapist, each one insisting that Julia recount the “episodes of abuse.” Each new therapist eagerly insisting that she re-live, and relate the traumatizing incidents until they became nothing but a boring “show and tell” for her. Julia was encouraged to blame and demonize her father. She hated the psychiatrists who prescribed the drugs she was on, and she hated all her therapists, but she knew she needed help. That’s why she called me. She wanted to find another way to heal the anger she knew festered inside her.
In her first Past Life Regression, when she saw her own birth, and she was held by her father, I said, “Look into his eyes.” And then I asked, “How do you feel about your new daddy?”
“I love him so much!”
“Does he seem familiar?”
“Oh, yes!”
“How does he feel about his new baby girl?”
“He loves me so much!”
So I knew she wasn’t born to an old enemy, which happens a lot.
Then I took her “back in time,” and said, “Look at your feet!”
“They’re spit polished, black wing-tips. I’m tough, I’m Irish. I’m 28 and I’m so rich! I work on Wall Street, and I run with the Bulls. Money, money, money! It’s all I care about.” There was a sharp edge to her voice as she continued to talk. Her name was Mike in that lifetime.
She described Mike’s body as being stocky, and strong. Her/his childhood was filled with so much poverty, because his parents were straight off the boat. But because Mike was a fighter, he’d been able pull himself out of the crowded, teeming slums of Manhattan’s Lower East Side and up to the wide-avenue elegance of the Upper East Side. He lived on Park Avenue, and was damned proud of it.
I asked if he was married.
“Yeah. But she bugs me!”“Let’s go home and find your wife. What’s her name?”
“Patricia. Bitch can’t do anything right. But she loves me so much! And even that annoys me!” It didn’t matter what he did, he went on, Patricia just adored him. He said that he was a womanizer, a liar and a cheat and still she forgave and loved him.
“Turn her around. Do you recognize her?”
Julia gasped. “Yes. It’s my dad.”
“Great. Now let’s go to the next pivotal experience.”
“I’m beating the shit out of Patricia. And I’m so strong. I’m really hurting her.”
“Why are you beating her?” I asked.
“She cooked my dinner wrong,” Julia said.
“Next pivotal experience?”
“Patricia’s dying.”
“Why’s she dying?”
“Because she’s given up on anyone ever loving her.”
“Next pivotal experience. What’s happening now?”
“It’s 1930, the stock market crashed and I’ve lost all my money. I’m sitting alone at bar. I’m drunk. No one likes me, because I’m such a jerk. I’m a mean drunk, too. I never had any true friends. Only business associates, and guys to drink and whore with. The only one who ever loved me was Patricia.”
“Next pivotal experience?”
“I’m alone in my flop house room and I just put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.”
“Float above!” I said, “You feel no pain. Now what did your soul need to learn in this lifetime with your dad?”
“What it feels like to love someone so unconditionally, and have them betray you so brutally.”
“And do you think you learned that?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“Now, could you forgive your father for what happened in this lifetime? Could you release all the years of blame and anger?”
And in that moment, she let go of twenty years of anger and blame. She forgave “the unforgivable.”
When we went to the “In Between,” she saw that her father was one of her guides and had essentially volunteered to do her a service. Julia is a healer herself, and from my perspective, healers always seem to have to have the most “challenging” lives. But Julia is up to the challenge of this lifetime, and is happy and healthy and loved by a man who adores her – and whom she adores back!
Love and forgiveness heals all wounds.
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