Last year I decided that I wanted to fall in love again. By then, I’d spent ten years being a widow, and it was getting on my nerves. So I decided to make myself an “Attracting Love” CD, just like the CDs I make for my own clients. I decided that I wanted to attract an older soul, because my darling, dead husband was a younger soul, and that turned out to be a bit challenging. You might want to check out my book, “Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality,” and read about how even soul mates can drive you nuts! So on my CD, I said that I wanted to attract someone who had integrity, was smart, funny, and liked sex. I figured that was enough, right? And then I’d play CD, and really never heard a word of it, because truthfully, at the end of a day, I’m so tired, all I hear of my own voice, is: “Take a deep, deep breath…” and I’m out!
But one Friday night in October of 2011, I simply “needed” to walk to LACMA. I thought, “I’ll go hear the jazz, and walk home.” On my way to the museum, I stopped to help a lost Guatemalan woman find an impossible address in Carthay Circle. She was so panicked about not getting to a first-time job, I just walked her there. That was about a forty minute detour, but I didn’t care. I walked back toward the museum, and got stopped by a German family, and helped them out, too, then I continued toward the Friday night jazz at LACMA. I walked to the bar to order a glass of wine, and two funny young women were arguing with the bartender about the price of a Mojito. I’d never had a Mojito, so I said, “Don’t worry. I’ll take it!” And one of them turned to me, looked me up and down and said, “Oh, no you won’t! You shouldn’t even be here.”
I laughed, because I thought that was so funny. “Really? Where should I be?”
She said, “You should be down the street at the Counter. We’ve just met the sexiest, funniest, nicest guy there, and he’s the manager and he only likes older women. He’s tending bar tonight.”
“I’m an older woman,” I said, and turned as if in a trance. I walked into the restaurant, and locked eyes with Octavio, who was 27 at the time. “What ever this is,” I thought, “I am not doing this!” But we’ve been together ever since, and I know why.
When I was in my 20s, I began having what would be called a recurrent “bleed-through dream.” In the dream, I’m in a long dress, heavy with blood, wading my way through bodies on a battlefield. I’m frantic, as I turn over body after body, searching for the man I love. I’d wake up knowing that “he” was dead. When I visited Gettysburg in my 40s, I “knew” I’d been there, lived there in a past life.
In that lifetime, I was the grocer’s pretty, 18 year-old daughter, and we lived above the store. When the officers came to town to prepare for the battle of Gettysburg, my father allowed a twenty-two year old captain from Maine (rich and spoiled) to stay with us. He was handsome in a boyish way, with dark curly hair, and bright blue eyes and he swept me off my feet. Literally. Sigh. He also left me pregnant, so I wound up living that lifetime as a “fallen woman,” with an illegitimate son (now my step-son in this lifetime). I became a teacher, and never married – I just longed for “what might have been.” (Always such a waste of a lifetime! ;^))
So when I met Octavio, he seemed so uncannily familiar, because he was the handsome young officer in that lifetime. Was I scheduled to meet him in this lifetime? Not at first. For those of you who haven’t read my book, I was “scheduled” to meet my husband when I was 23, and he was 30, when we lived around the corner from each other in Berkeley, in 1970. Only my then future husband refused to meet me, because I didn’t seem hip enough for him, and he wound up marrying an old enemy of his instead. Free choice always prevails. You can pass up your soul mate. Now that threw a wrench into the works, because there was no one else scheduled for me. So, I think the feeling was, “better late, than never,” up in the In Between, where decisions like these seem to be made. So they called in Octavio, who is an older soul, now in a young body, who only likes older women. Ergo, the Cougar thing. He’s an actor, so he decided we should do this crazy show on TLC – Extreme Cougars. Here’s an Insider interview:
So you never know when a soul-mate will pop into your life. You can’t control who you fall in love with, and you can’t control love. But if you can open up your heart, be brave, and let yourself love whom you love, not caring about what other people think, that will serve your soul’s higher purpose. Love is why we incarnate, and if you can surrender to the joy, and the insecurity that love creates in all of us, that in and of itself will bring you the meaning of your own life, and true joy of being human. Life after lifetime.
It’s not always easy, but it beats the alternative. I do so many regressions where I get the end of a “lifetime,” and I ask the client to look back and evaluate that past life, and so many times they say, “I didn’t love! I was too afraid.” So find your courage and open yourself to the soul whose life you can give meaning and joy to! Take a chance – if it doesn’t work out, who cares? You’ll know you had the guts to try and you’ll be your own inner-hero!