Grace is a beautiful, successful Korean American, 33, newly married to a young man who has a rich, extremely dominating mother. Grace complained about her Korean born mother-in-law whom she said is, “overly involved” in her son’s life by American standards, but not, however, by Korean standards.
Grace, like many of my clients, straddles two cultures, and those cultures contradict each other constantly and cause lots of stress in her life.
Born in Los Angeles to Koreans immigrants who scratched their way to success by owning a liquor store in East L.A., (burned to the ground during the LA riots), Grace loves her parents and respects the life they’ve given her. Intellectually, she understands her own situation. She’s trying to be a good Korean wife, but “understanding” doesn’t make it easier for her. She tried traditional talking therapy – that didn’t work. Then they tried couples therapy, that didn’t work either. Both those “traditional” avenues failed miserably, because she just got angrier and more frustrated with her husband. That’s when she called me for help. She wanted to give it one last try before she filed for divorce.
Grace loved her husband, Rich, but resented her mother-in-law’s involvement in her marriage and she was uncomfortable with the “iron apron strings” still attached to her hapless husband, a sweet boy, but still very much a “boy,” even though he’s 34. She loved him deeply, but because he wouldn’t or couldn’t stand up to his mother, Grace began to lose respect for him. She said, “I had no idea he needed to talk to her every single day! Sometimes three times a day!” Consequently Grace no longer felt any sexual attraction for him, and they’d stopped having sex entirely.
She did, however, still want to get pregnant, because that was why she’d gotten married. “I want a family!” And Grace would be damned if she’d let her new mother-in-law stop her. How could I help her, she wanted to know.
First, I pointed out that she would need to start having sex again if she wanted to get pregnant. And to have sex with her husband, she’d have let go of this anger toward him. And then she’d have to find a way to get along with her new mother-in-law.
Grace looked at me as if she wanted to shoot me, but she was ready to try anything. That’s why she wanted to do a Past Life Regression in the first place. I’m usually everyone’s “last resort.” When nothing else works, they come to see me, and for Grace her past life gave her a new perspective and allowed her to love again.
In Grace’s first past life, she found herself back in the United States circa 1940, a blond beautiful, twenty-one-year old American Midwestern girl, Amelia, from a loving family. In that life, she’s in love with her childhood sweetheart, the high school football hero, and they get married.
“Look at your husband,” I say.
Grace started to cry. “It’s my husband now! It’s Rich!”
They’re so happy together, and bask in “pure love paradise,” but only briefly. Because when Japan bombs Pearl Harbor and the US enters World War II, Rich enlists and becomes a fighter pilot. He’s sent off to the South Pacific, where he’s killed in action.
But by then, in that life, Grace is pregnant – and even though she’s devastated at his loss, she holds onto the knowledge that Rich will always be with her because she’ll have his child. In the next “pivotal” experience, she sees herself in a hospital bed and she sees “blood everywhere” – she’s had a terrible, painful delivery, and she’s lost their baby.
I ask her to “float above,” because she’s crying with the pain of losing her only link to the man she ever loved. (Of course, he’s back in her life now!) After that, in the next “pivotal” experience, she sees herself sitting on coach, deeply depressed, so despondent, that she finally gives up and kills herself.
After that I asked her to “see the reception” she gets from her soul group, her cluster group, in the In Between. “It’s so warm and loving. They understand,” she said. “It’s okay now.”
“Look around,” I asked, “do you recognize anyone you know from this lifetime?”
“Rich is there, but so is my mother-in-law! What’s she doing there?”
Then I asked her to telepathically talk to her mother-in-law and hear her point of view. Grace was very quiet, and was quivering, shaking.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“She thinks that I am being a selfish wife, and that I only want her son for what he can give me. She thinks that I really don’t care about him at all. But she’s wrong! I love him!”
Then I asked her to telepathically tell her mother-in-law that she is now Rich’s wife, and that she loves him. “Ask her to help you have a good, harmonious marriage.”
She smiled, because she finally negotiated an agreement – telepathically – from her mother-in-law. So instead of wanting to divorce her husband, she decided to stay and “learn to love him unconditionally.” (Never easy, by the way!)
All of that happened last November. Last week, I got a note from Grace with great news!
Because she was able to view this relationship for what it is – a gift, and a chance to love him again, she was able to let go of her anger and resentment, and her “laundry list” of what she expected.
Instead she began to treat Rich with love and respect.
And what’s more? She’s getting along with her mother-in-law.
The reason she wrote to me was to thank me because she’s pregnant. And overjoyed.
So look around you now. Look at all the people in your life, and especially the people you don’t like. Know that you’re connected to them just as fiercely as the people you do like.
So why not make peace in this lifetime? If you don’t, you might wind up with a great “learning opportunity” in your next life time.
In my next blog, I plan to write more about suicides… so stay tuned. Suicide is never painless, especially for those of us left behind.
If you liked this blog, please pass it on, okay? Thanks! Stephanie
Thank you so much for sharing that story. I have a similar problem in my marriage at this time and I don’t know how to fix it. I am in therapy and I have realized that even in the past when someone I am in a relationship with hurts me or makes me anger, I no longer want a sexual relationship with them. It’s happened a total of 4 times now and with people that I loved very very much. Is there any hope?
There’s always hope! But anger and sex don’t mix. You can’t sleep with someone you’re angry at. Call me if you want to come see me, okay? It’s too complicated a subject to discuss in a post. Blessings to you,