Two years ago, I went to see Dr. Brian Weiss, M.D. (my Past Life Regression teacher) at an event at the Biltmore Hotel in Los Angeles. As usual, he filled every seat, and his easy going, Borsht-belt, humorous style of explaining this powerful work, makes everyone relax. He asked us to pair up to do an experiment – we had to hold a watch or a piece of jewelry worn by a partner and see what feelings we could pick up from the object. He calls it “psychometry.”
A lovely woman, Shari, nodded to me, and she became my partner. As I held her watch, however, my entire body filled with a sheering, horrible pain – from my underarm, then across my chest and down into my groin. I wasn’t happy. But when we exchanged information after the experiment, she told me she had metastasized breast cancer that had spread to her liver and uterus. Of course, I thought, of all the people to nod at me, someone who was dying.
But I was wrong. Shari became my client, and over the past two years, she’s done amazing healing work. She’s changed diets, done many alternate methods of healing as well as traditional methods. Last Saturday, however, she was finally willing to look at the source of her cancer, and so we did a session devoted to that.
I asked her to “talk to the cancer in her liver,” and in trance, the cancer told her that she was filled with rage at her family and her older brother in particular. Now, Shari, who is the mother of two adult daughters, prides herself on being “spiritual,” and “all giving” to her family – that’s how she defines herself.
But her liver told her a decidedly different story – her liver expressed her complete rage at her family for not appreciating any of her sacrifices. Shari couldn’t deny her own true feelings as her “liver” talked to her, and told her what it wanted from her: To stop making everyone’s life more important than her own.
But we didn’t stop there, because I knew there might be a lifetime that she needed to see, so while she was in deep trance, I asked her to “see the lifetime” that would give her what she needed to help her have compassion for her brother, whom she still refuses to forgive. And she saw it: “I’m a wild young man, a dare-devil,” she said, “I’m driving a speed boat, fast and reckless. It’s the early 20th century. I’m very rich, but it’s not my money – it’s my family’s money. Oh, my god! I’m just like my brother!”
I took her back to the beginning of that life, and she saw herself as a young boy, in New York City, with a widowed father who is just getting married again, and now she (as the boy) feels resentful. Then she saw the “next pivotal experience,” and that was the birth of a sister – a beautiful little girl. And Shari, as the boy, now feels her body fill with rage and jealousy, because no one pays any attention to him any longer – they all focus on his darling little sister.
Time goes by, and he becomes so embittered and resentful, that he literally can’t do anything except hate his beautiful little sister. It fills every part of his being. “That’s why I’m such a dare-devil,” Shari said. “I want to say, ‘Look at me! Pay attention to me!’” But no one ever did, and in that life, he died young, filled with envy and hatred.
Shari kept saying, “I’m exactly like my brother is now, and his sister is like me now!” And in in a flash, Shari understood, what this lifetime now is meant to teach her: What it feels like to be hated because of envy and jealousy. And she understood that her cancer is simply her “messenger.”
She’s now ready to be honest about her true feelings, and release years of pent up, unexpressed rage – and finally to give thanks to her brother for teaching her soul its needed lesion.
Folks? No one’s perfect – not even you, and certainly not me. We’re all victims and we’re all perpetrators. So, in your own life right now, especially if you’re on a spiritual path, please take a moment and acknowledge your real, true emotions. You can hear them in your own thought patterns. So listen to your thoughts. And when you begin to own them, you can begin to change them.
If you deny your own emotions, or push them down, or pretend you’re not “feeling them,” they might need to “express” themselves in ways that could be as dramatic as Shari’s liver to get their message heard.
So, just begin think about the people in your own life, and if you “hate” your sister-in-law, for instance, (justifiably, of course, because she’s a slut, a bitch, a demon, etc., yes?), now you can begin the work of letting your toxic emotions go. Begin to understand what your own “hatred” can teach you about who you are, and who you want to become, and then find a way to release it, and let it go. Yes, I know it’s not easy. But do it anyway. As I ask my clients, “let go and forgive, and choose your own energy over being right!” We’re all here in earth school to learn, yes?
I can definitely relate to this posting…. I grew up in a common dysfunctional family with parents who were adult children, codependent and very wounded, abusive to eachother..violent, cruel, etc. neither of them could give much attention or validation to their kids. I suffered the worst of it being the oldest and an ‘old soul’ by nature, getting in the line of fire in order to reduce the harm inflicted on my younger siblings, so I endured incredible toxic abuse, rage attacks, physical violence, constant verbal assaults. I didn’t know at the time, and of course there was no real help back then from the ‘system’ that allowed women to abuse their children with the DHS’ help. Judges just gave the kids to them regardless. My mother’s second husband was an alcoholic codependent who ‘enabled’ her narcissistic insanity to only worsen. I left home at age 17 never to return. I was intelligent however and went into research. I always believed in past lives, and a purpose in being, even as I’d been told I was a mistake and a bomb dropped on me at age 16, being told my biological father was unknown to me, my mother claming she was raped…which only added to my pain, shame,torment and eventual rage.. .I carried deep emotional scars from those traumas for decades, as very few people outside of therapists can even begin to discuss or acknowledge things like that, and certainly a family that remained tight lipped would never acknowledge it. Thirty years later, they barely will utter an apology. My parents were never able to even acknowledge me as a human being..or validate my life as i outgrew them over the years. Narcissists and Borderlines can’t. Its very agonizing to even try to get a narcissist to acknowledge she is not the center of the universe. I also sought out the advice of mind-body-wholistic healers and alternative healing therapies…chakra clearing, etc. I read all of Dr. Weiss’ books. Stil it has been an entire lifetime of continual acceptance and healing, letting go of the rage, dealing with the physical trauma to my own brain’s development (I have a very high IQ.. but have suffered with being able to KNOW and process my own feelings) and other toxic effects leftover from the deluge of trauma I survived. Many times I had out of body experiences, and believe that I had a hard time fully integrating into my youthful body, as I was frightened of the environment, and due to the narcissist’s need for ‘perfect mirroring’ & emotional vampirism, was not allowed to fully be my true self, without reprisal or punishment… often times for just speaking. I’ve come full circle after having a long career in the mainstream industry that treats physical problems with pharmacological agents that act on biological receptors and completely ignores the possible underlying spiritual energy…and in my own struggles, to recognize that the spiritual energy systems are the scaffold which the biological being is attached to, and that if we are to make any real gains as spiritual beings we have to have therapies that are effectively treating the root causes of anxiety, depression, anger, fear… and not just targeting cancerous tissues with pharmacological agents . I’ve seen enough die on these therapies. I also know my own suffering was so deep it was beyond anything biological, although the manifestations were many over the years, and I did attempt all sorts of ‘band aids’ of self medicating. When this patient talks about the ‘rage’.. it is something deeply spiritual. There are definitely laws of karma, and laws of attraction and higher realms of justice…that our own feeble court systems do not acknowledge, except in brief…at times, but the ‘soul’ knows these things innately. I think often the rage stems from having been violated in certain ways that violate these karmic laws that draw us in,cycle after cycle, in life after life… I know in this lifetime my parents have made it almost impossible to totally heal with them, they are like little children to me. I’m always forgiving, they’re always remaining spiritually immature and clinging to one thing or another for ‘safety’. Rage is toxic. It destroys the soul… and definitely will lead to biological manifestations, such as a cancer or immunological disorders…like Crohn’s or Lupus or MS, etc. I believe when we are not expressing fully our inner light and feeling acknowledged and purposeful it can result in self harm and rage, and can manifest in disease. It has taken me 30 years to just begin to tell my own story without the rage and shame and sense of defeat, but I have a strong belief that I’ve lived many times over, and was a physician once before. I initially was going to follow that path as it was easy enough for me academically, but I didn’t for numerous reasons. There are still very few who will acknowledge the mind-body connection in the mainstream. If there is one thing I wish to do with my life it is to write, and to express my experiences and beliefs that the soul is timeless and that events that leave marks on the soul carry thru many lifetimes…we come in with these imprints and leave more and receive more..its all for learning. In this lifetime I learned that violence can destroy the bonds of human beings horribly and can disfigure the spiritual light of a child for the entirity of their life. I believe the majority of our incarcerated throw away human beings undrestand this. There needs to be “soul treatment” clinics…that incorporate past life regression, alternative healing/mind body healing, chakra cleansing…and we need to be rid of the one size fit’s all Rx for treatment idea… even Pfizer’s feeling the pain now, no more blockbusters. I have battled toxic shame,pain, anger/rage throughout my life, to overcome it, while educating myself and working with the industry that normally treats disease as an isolated field, and develops therapies designed to effect biological characteristics… I recall once in college scoffing at an MD writing me an Rx for anxiety (Xanax) saying what did it matter if my soul was anxious… what my body wanted. He wasn’t able to connect the dots. Having spent enough time outside my body in youth I was clearly aware of the two separate dimensions. To this day I cannot find many MD’s who will go there, and very few biological scientists, because physical scientists have not yet named the quantum physical properties of soul energy… or identity. Every culture has acknowledged its existence. That is one reason I enjoyed Dr. Weiss’ books immensely. It allowed me to validate what my soul knew to be true, even if it took 40 years for other people to catch up to what I was saying all along. “I’m here not by mistake. I’m here on purpose. Listen to me.. I have a voice and I have something to share and offer. If you’ll listen I won’t be upset 🙂 ” . I think that is what all people seek. To have their true identity acknowledged. I guess we call it “love”. I think its what we term the communion when two souls or more can see past the veil of the physical realm and feel, sense and acknowledge eachother’s spiritual eternal presence and validate it. That feeling is instantaneously rewarding. I believe in Christ as well..and the ability to heal spontaneously from all diseases by His power and Grace. Most of my healing in this life has come thru that relationship alone. None of it has come from conventional therapy. My next journey is to delve into my past lives, and find the courage I need to have to move forward where I can share my story and my journey and have a positive influence from it, as all is forgiven already, I see it only as lessons, necessary for learning. Painful but each life with its birth/death cycle encompasses love, pain, loss.. I’m always relieved to be reminded that the soul is enduring and eternal and cannot be destroyed. Its good work that you do helping people to discover that. And yes you would have been bored to tears with conventional wisdom/medical school. 🙂
Mark… Thank you for your amazing posting! Your final lines are the most important and powerful… that by finding ways to forgive we can all heal. Your soul knows you have a purpose, and sometimes the “learning opportunities” that the soul offers us are a little intense! Blessings on your journey! Once people get plugged into their own purpose, everything falls into place. So good luck with your just showing up wherever it is you are, being authentic and enjoying the gifts you have! All of them! Wow.
Hi Stephanie.This is a pretty powerful post.
Much love,
Anne
Hi Anne!
Yes. And just the tip of my iceberg! I’m going to write one about suicide soon… and that’s amazing. I just ran into the client at the Apple Store who’d killed “herself” in two past lives… and now knows that’s not an option! Got me to thinking on my walk around my beautiful neighborhood! How’s life with “Talkin’ with Angels? Love, S.