Welcome to the Holidaze once again! I just want to remind you to “Love Yourself Enough to say ‘No!”
I hope your Holiday is heaped high with all the joyousness that Madison Avenue advertisers spend billions to hypnotize us all into wanting.
If frantic, food filled festivities fill you with joy, then that’s great!
But if, on the other hand, the holidays make you crazy, then please take a moment to just breathe and get your own mind, brain and body back on track.
Let me remind you that Madison Avenue, Google and FB use the most sophisticated, effective and subliminal techniques to “hypnotize” you into a frenzy of buying things that no one really needs. Then they add a gallon of guilt to flavor the holiday pot. This means, that if you don’t spend oodles of cash on your boss’s daughter, or your sister-in-law’s adult kids who still live at home, not to mention the people whom you truly love, you feel like Scrooge. Bah! Humbug!
No wonder the holiday season creates so much unhappiness for so many people. Do you know that more people die at Christmas time than at any other time of the year? I do, because that’s when my own husband died, and a hospital morgue tech gave me that cheery news.
Because of all that, I still have a bit of PTSD around the whole holiday. Since I was married at Christmastime and then my husband died twelve years later, on the day after Christmas, it still makes me sad. So I, myself, boycott Christmas; I just ignore it. (Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality tells the full story.)
I have an awareness of my own nuttiness. But that’s me – that’s not you.
You, on the other hand, might enjoy the frantic rush of celebrating with co-workers, casual acquaintances, old friends, Facebook friends, not to mention your own extended family and in-laws.
But what if you don’t? What can you do?
Say “Yes,” to what brings you happiness.
But Learn how to say “No” when it feels right for you.
First, get clear with yourself. Ask yourself a few simple questions:
“Will this event make me happy?”
“Will I be with people whom I really care about?”
“Will I be with people who value and care about me?”
Then decide what you want to do.
You can rehearse what you will say beforehand. (For those of you who are my clients, you’ll recognize this exercise from our first session – it’s on your first CD!)
Be specific, be concrete, and practice your reason for saying “no,” before you might need it. Scientific research proves that the more stressed and tired you get, the more you’ll react by rote, by habit. That’s why cognitive behavior therapy can help to change your habit.
Instead of responding by habit, if you can take the time to evaluate, you can re-train your brain. Breathe and decide what you truly want to do.
For instance, you might say something like:
“I wish I could, but I just can’t add one more thing to my week. Thanks!”
“I’d really love to join you guys, but… “(Fill in with what is true for you.)
Loving and honoring your own needs is always best for everyone.
How Past Life Regression, or Narrative Therapy, can help you say, No!
Here’s a quick story about a recent client whose transformation made me so happy!
When I first met beautiful, dark, green-eyed Lizzy, 20, she was a virtual prisoner in a 3th rate scam-college, mostly filled with super-rich Middle-Eastern boys who were in Los Angeles to get a degree in party-life-central.
She had severe depression, because she was bored out her mind. She wasn’t in better college, because as a wild-rebellious teen, she’d fallen into the druggie hell all too common in the Track-Mansion Communities surrounding Los Angeles. Too much money, with parents who are too busy making the money to keep up that life-style, Lizzy and all her friends were easy prey for the ubiquitous campus coke dealers. And so they all got hooked.
But Lizzy got herself out of her own drug addictions, but now at 20, she wanted to really change. That’s why she called me.
Lizzy was a great student. She did all the brain exercises I asked, did her homework, and she changed her eating habits, thinking habits, and her brain. In just four months she went from being a depressed prisoner to becoming fierce about taking control of her own life. And she’s two pant sizes thinner!
Her last regression showed her “soul’s purpose” – she’s a healer, but a warrior healer.
She saw herself as a plain Egyptian woman, who helped everyone in her village. She was the village soothsayer, fortune teller and healer.
In her regression, she saw herself surrounded by people who needed her help. But in that lifetime, she didn’t know how to say “No.” She never took time for herself. She gave and gave and gave, until there was nothing left to give. She felt sad, alone and empty.
Her last vision, she sat on a bridge looking down into the dark, rock filled waters below.
She said, “I think I’m going to jump!” And then she did.
“Float above,” I said. “What did your soul learn in that life time?”
“That you can’t save everyone. You have to take care of yourself first.”
At the same time, actually the week before, in Lizzy’s real life, her best childhood friend, Cindy – still a druggie – and an emotional vampire called from re-hab central, and said, “Save Me! Rescue me!”
Lizzy’s first instinct was to rush in, and jump down into the sink hole of her friends self-created, drug induced “drama.” But instead, because Lizzy had technique, she was able to be compassionate and kind, but she was able to say “No, Cindy. Sorry. I can’t help you right now. I’ve fought too hard to save my own sanity.”
And so she didn’t feel guilty. She said, “No.” She knew she had to put herself first and let her friend find her own path and take her own journey.
Now Lizzy’s Twenties stand before her, and because I told her that her brain isn’t fully functional until she’s about 24, when the ability to compute true consequences kicks in, she’s less likely to say “yes” to her old coke-doing cronies. She now says, “No.”
So Happy Holidays to all of you!
If in the New Year you feel you want to make changes, please call me!