Nine years ago, a tall, handsome young TV director called me for help. He said he had a bad habit. He was chewing on his hand, and it was raw.
“No problem,” I said. “That’s an easy fix.”
“I just want the Cognitive Behavior Modification, and Hypnotherapy and Awareness Therapy part of what you offer. I don’t believe in that hocus pocus stuff, the airy-fairy past-life regression stuff.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “What I do is based on neuroscience and how your brain gets badly programmed because of childhood trauma. You’ve got a nervous disorder created by your own OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and that’s your issue. If you don’t want to do past-life regression, that’s fine.”
Thinking back on this, I have to laugh. One bad habit? Get real. When we worked together, and Matt got more comfortable with me and trusted that I had his back and didn’t judge him, he confessed to a few other bad habits. In our fifth session, he finally admitted he was addicted to coke. He ran with a very hip young Turk crowd who were all using coke. (I don’t think it was laced with Fentanyl then, so people weren’t dying like flies like they are now!)
His friends drank and partied as they would always be in their 30s. Matt, my client, was 38 then. His parents had immigrated in their early 20s and planted themselves in a very hostile environment, to say the least. Because of that, Matt had been singled out and tortured as a child in school and in his Midwestern neighborhood, where being non-white human wasn’t allowed.
Both his parents had to work, so Matt was a latch-key kid. He had enough childhood trauma to keep him in talking therapy for the rest of his life. In traditional talking therapy, he would be encouraged to complain about how unfair his life was, and that would keep him in “entitled victim mentality.”
But I don’t work that way. To me, each life is a “learning opportunity” to get skill-sets that will be used on whatever journey your soul chose to learn in this incarnation.
Unraveling and healing the trauma of his childhood and helping Matt believe entirely in his own talent, his purpose, and to continue his path is what I intended to do.
Ultimately, I asked if he wanted to do a Past-Life Regression.
“Sure,” he said, “why not?”
When he was in deep-theta hypnosis, I said, “Look at your feet.”
“I’m a man. I’m clad in shiny armor. I’m in a battle. I’m English. And we’re fighting the French. I’m the leader here. I might be king. I’m fearless! Wow. What courage.” He didn’t die, and he went on the lead his people. He saw that he was from a Leader/Teacher soul group, and he was welcomed with big congrats by his cluster.
When the regression was over, he reverted to his smart-ass, wonderfully snarky self and said, “Oh, that’s silly. I don’t believe that. I made it up.”
“It always feels that way. There’s not a spigot in your brain that turns on a Past-Life Regressions. Use what you can,” I said. “Doesn’t matter. You need to own your courage in this lifetime. You’re a leader and warrior.”
Together we went on to heal many of his childhood traumas and young adult issues. One was that he thought that he didn’t deserve the hottest girl. When I encouraged him to go after who he wanted, instead of settling for the string of girls he didn’t really care about, he did. And he got Maggie, a sexy, sassy, successful beauty. He married her, and they have two beautiful kids. He sends me Christmas cards, so I keep track.
Now 47, Matt called me last week because, like everyone else, he’s stressed. He’s back working on set, which means he’s tested for Covid 19 every day, but he didn’t want to see me in person, just in case. “That’s fine. Zoom is fine.” I hadn’t seen him in about five years, but my affection for him hadn’t abated. I’m so proud of him and what he’s done with this life.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m going nuts. We bought the house of our dreams, and it took everything we had to get this amazing place to be what it is now. Who knew we’d be in this shut down for so long? On top of that, because of Covid, my wife’s parents moved in with us. The kids can’t be in childcare, so they are bouncing off the walls. I’m relieved to be back at work, and I’m working as hard as I can, but no one appreciates me. I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
“Okay,” I said. “That’s fine. I appreciated you. But it would help if you calmed down. I remember your regression, even if you didn’t believe it. Do you remember? You were at war, and we’re all at war now. This virus is attacking us all. Let me ask you something? Do you think Eisenhower was appreciated for sending thousands of young me to die at Normandy? Was Washington appreciated? Was Grant appreciated for saving the Union?
Matt was quiet. “No, I guess not.’
“Warriors and good leaders don’t do it for appreciation. They do it because it’s their purpose. Remember the poopy brain to puppy brain technique I taught you?”
“Of course! It healed my OCD.”
“Great. Let me teach you an updated technique to quiet your brain down. Ask these four questions, and then we turn it around. First question: What’s the thought that’s making you nuts?” I asked.
“My family doesn’t appreciate me.”
“Is that true? Your family really doesn’t appreciate you?
“No. That’s not really true,” he admitted.
“But how does it make you feel when you believe that untrue thought?”
“How do you react?”
“I isolate.” He said.
“How do you treat your family when you believe they don’t appreciate you?”
“I’m Mr. Grumpy all the time! I’m blaming them in my mind! I’m running a negative inventory, just like I used to do. I didn’t realize it. Wow.”
(That’s the Awareness part of therapy!)
“Good job. Now, who would you be if you didn’t have the untrue thought that your family didn’t appreciate you?”
“So, just turn that thought around and make your brain work for you. Create good thoughts, new neuropathways. See how efficient that is? Elegant, right? Do it on paper so your own OCD brain can see it, Grock it, use it.
“I feel so much calmer now. That was fast.”
“I know you don’t have enough time to listen to an Audible book, but if you did? Bryon Katie’s ‘Loving What Is’ is excellent. I love her work and recommend it all the time. But Matt? Remember, you are a warrior in this lifetime. Just keep doing the work, and call if you need me to remind you of who you are.”
I was so happy to hear from Matt, as I am to hear from lots of my former clients. That’s my happiness.
So my darling people? If you’ve taken the time to read this, let me know, okay? We’re all here to serve in some way. I didn’t get kicked head-first into my own healing/teaching purpose until I was 54 and my husband died, left me in $180,000 of debt, with no insurance and no retirement. Nothing. And I was an out of work screenwriter. Got it?
I feel so lucky to have my own passion for healing aligned with my purpose. I know I will die proud and used up! Slide into to 3rd base dirty and beaten up, but I’ll say, “Wow! What a ride!” I want that for you!
If I can help you discover your purpose, passion and get it in alignment with what you’re doing now, please go back to my website, hit the contact button, or give me a call.
Sending you love,
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